I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
