4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
