I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
