Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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