Your face is a jimmy john
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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