I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
