Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
