my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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