How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
