this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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