Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
