I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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