just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
