Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
