Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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