I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
