Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
