i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
