I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
