You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
MIDGETS
????
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
