So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
