I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
