the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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