DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
