i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize