I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
