so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
