So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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