Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
