On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
even my farts smell like vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
