He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's always time for handjobs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
