I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
