There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize