so that wasnt chicken after all
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
