I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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