you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
