where am i from again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
