But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Randomize
