She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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