If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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