What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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