No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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