Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
