Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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