I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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