I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
