My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize