i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
