When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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