Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
