She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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