Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
