ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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