Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
