i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
