So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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