don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
