I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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