I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
