whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
