but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
