Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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