she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
