you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
