YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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