There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
