My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
