I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
