All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize