Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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