Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
