i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
